I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
