I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian