guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.