I can text with my tongue
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son