i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.