do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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