My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize