i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Enjoy the penises
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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