can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
