we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
