youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
