Define "chronic" masturbator.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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