you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
