sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
