She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
