Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
