i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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