I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
