i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
