A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
no, he came in my armpit
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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