i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
