I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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