this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
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All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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