Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
