well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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