yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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