This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
