I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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