Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
