Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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