i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
