I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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