i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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