my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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