That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize