So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
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I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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