i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
