The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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