I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
