Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize