don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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