If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
