i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
