cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
