Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
