Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
