A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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