I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
