the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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