I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
