there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
