just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
