Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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