i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
