I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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