I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
