Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
