i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
