You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
