We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
