Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
not ubering you a puppy
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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