You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
