you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
